Motherhood: Reaching a turning point and embracing it



30 and counting....



"Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?." - Frank Scully (according to www.thinkexist.com)

I will be turning 30 next Friday, the 8th, and I must say that I have experienced mixed emotions about it. I have spent the last couple years pretty disconnected from my birthday so, I wasn't expecting to have a reaction to turning 30. But, I did. Everything began to feel incredibly urgent. I certainly didn't think that I was getting old already but, time did start to feel different for me. And I felt a little anxious too. After some reflection, I concluded that turning 30 represents a turning point among many that I am experiencing, and it catapulted me into this reality that the doorways are opened and that there is no better time to walk on through.

I also think it is more of an impact since my babies are growing so fast simultaneously. And there are so many things that I want to accomplish for them and myself. So now, I am working extra hard and it's a very exciting time on so many levels. I am seeing my dreams truly unfold, which is a really good feeling. I am now welcoming 30 with open arms, as it truly represents entering into this brand new phase of my life.

In honor of all of this, I decided to plan a 30- day adventure. Over the course of 30 days in July (my birthday month), I will be doing 30 new things or things that I have always wanted to do but, never did. I have compiled a list of activities that are fun, light-hearted, healing, and offerings of love to myself, my loved ones, the earth, and even complete strangers. I was going to do one new thing a day but, some of the activites require more than one day to complete and some can done within the same day. So I decided just to make sure I completed the list within 30 days.

I will document the journey through photos, journal writing, and my blog. The purpose is to celebrate my birthday in a big way, of course, but it is also to help me to live fully again. It's been said that with discipline, you can break a habit in 30 days. I hope to break the habit of leaving my wish list for things I want to do in life, in my head. I will think about something incessantly but, I won't always take the next step to actually do it. I get paralized by fear, worry, and insecurity. Part of my continual healing is to remember what it felt like to just do things from the heart and not the mind. Once my birth month passes, I hope to continue in the direction of actualization, in every aspect of my life.

I hope that through sharing this, I will inspire other Mamas and folks to do that thing that has been on their minds to do. It may sound cliche but, sometimes we need that reminder that there is no time like the present. And through the practice of "doing," I intend to take full advantage of the moment.

Peace.

Motherhood: The Pledge

I woke up this morning and decided to create a mini vision board. I had all the pieces cut out, just hadn’t gotten around to it. I have a large one that I did last year, with my sister circle, at our annual Kwanzaa celebration. I wanted to do the second one as a reminder of two specific things: meditation and writing.

The month of May and the beginning of June proved to be quite a transformative time for me. So many things that I have struggled with, prayer for, and worked steadily towards, were finally put to rest. It was a time of letting go, closing doors, cleansing, and opening up new opportunities. I was able to lay down all the burdens that I had carried for the last few years and reconnect with myself in a way that was quite profound. I didn’t realize how much the weight of certain struggles in my life was affecting me. In one month, that was completely changed.

I had a full circle moment that to me, symbolized the completion of this certain phase of my life. The past few years have been the most difficult of my life. From losing my father (3 years ago) and grandfather (last year), to becoming a mother twice within 14 months, to dealing with the loss of a relationship, to financial struggles, and dealing with depression the entire way through; I had to work through it all to build my life up again. This phase of my life was about really facing me, dealing with a lot of unresolved issues, and learning some hard life lessons.

When I was pregnant with my daughter, I wrote letters to her in a journal. I was so excited about the journey and I wanted to share it with her when she got older. I wrote from the time I was 5 months pregnant up until a couple days after my due date. After she was born, I went to write in it and I couldn’t find it. I was crushed. That journal meant so much to me; I looked everywhere in hopes of finding it. I had never let go of losing it. A few months ago, I even thought about calling this restaurant I used to eat all the time while I was pregnant with her, to see if may have been collecting dust in their lost and found box.

Losing that journal traumatized me to the core. With losing my father and not having much to my name (so I thought at the time), that journal represented so much more than words on pages to me. I agonized over it constantly. I stopped writing for a long time; I didn’t even want to write in her baby book. It was just an added weight on my already depressed mind and body.

I fought my way through all of my sadness and found peace in possibility. Even when I thought I was at my end (several times), there was always some sort of divine intervention that affirmed my faith and trust. Something or someone would bring just what I needed, with the perfect timing.

When I went back to Atlanta in May to finish up some business there, I had no idea what was in store for me. As I said before, everything that I was struggling with came to a close. And on the last day of dealing with my home there, I decided to take some paper bags that I had collected, to the recycling center. As I was placing the bags in the recycling dump, I noticed that something was at the bottom of the last one. I pulled the bag that covered the item out and to my absolute shock, there was my pregnancy journal. I kept my composure but, I was screaming and crying on the inside. I had not only found my journal (or, it found me) but, it was the last piece of the puzzle. Suddenly, I could breathe easier. It was the last burden that I had not yet made absolute peace with and it represented the beginning and end of this rocky road for me.

Now that I am more free and clear, I must honor this opportunity by doing everything that I’ve been saying I wanted to do for so long. Two of my challenges are discipline and completing things. I have always been able to find an excuse on why I didn’t finish something. Or, I would find a new distraction. Now, I have no choice but to invest my energy into my life’s work and manifest my dreams. There is nothing in my way. And perhaps, there never was.

I am making a pledge to myself, to my children, family, and to all of you, to meditate and write every day; no matter what. Meditation represents discipline and tapping into my inner being; it’s a pathway to clearing my “container” (body and mind) so that I can be centered enough to write with clarity and focus. The potential of my life depends on my discipline to meditate every day. I have failed many times. And if I want to be a great author, I must be deliberate about the actual practice of writing and completing my writing projects.

So, I made my vision board to keep me on track and I hope that you all can help with this too. Feel free to email, send an FB message, or whatever, and ask me if I’ve written anything or meditated on that day. One thing a dear friend reminds me of daily is how I isolated myself during the hardest times of my life. In reconnecting with myself, I am working on reconnecting with people.

I am excited for this turning point in my life. I intend to make myself and everyone around me, very proud by what I will accomplish. The lesson here is that there is inspiration in possibility, fulfillment in deliberate action, and happiness in the manifestation of dreams.



My pregnancy journal



I talked about some of my favorite things like, the Lotus flower....



Motherhood: Do away with self-doubt and embrace self-love

So, my daughter has this song she made up called "I like me." She started singing it a couple weeks ago in the car as we were driving along. At first, I thought she was singing "I like meat." One of her aunties likes to talk about how much she loves meat around her, so she will mimic her from time to time! It wasn't until the next day that I realized she was singing "I like me" and I just melted. She sings it from her soul; she smiles, dances, screams it as loud as she can. And she loves for me to chime in too.

I am the kind of mother who tries to think outside the box in terms of what I teach my babies and how I teach them. I am constantly making up songs, creating affirmations, making up gestures that will remind them of certain values; I try to get creative with everything. And I talk to them about things that to some, may seem way over their heads. Sometimes when I am doing these things, I feel so silly and I think to myself, "Is this really going to work?" Or I wonder how much of what I am saying, do they actually understand. But, when I see my daughter embrace who she is with such certainty, it just inspires me to keep trying. She soaks up everything I throw at her, sometimes right away or I'll see the result of something I said or did, in something she will intitiate herself. It has really expanded my thoughts on children's capacities to learn and absorb information.

My daughter actually came out of the womb with her assuredness, I just want to help it grow. From dancing in the mirror at 6 mths old, to understanding her magnetic quality when she walks in to a room; I am constantly amazed by how strong she is, in who she is, and as young as she is. It's actually too much at times but, it's completely rooted in her spirit which makes it difficult to interfere with. It can be a challenge but, as her mother I only want her to continue to have a healthy self-image and to love herself through everything that life brings.

One of the little "gestures" we do all the time is called the "the squeeze." From the time she was a year old, I would say to her, "give yourself a squeeze." She'll wrap her arms around her body, make the hugging sound, and then give herself a kiss. I'll do that with her when she is upset or just in random happy moments. She loves it. These types of things really stick with her and she'll initiate them on her own too. It is quite corny but, most effective!

The moral of this story is that guiding children in love is beautiful and healthy. I remember exactly when my self-esteem crumbled. I was entering middle school and the light that I saw myself in was dimmed, in one day. And it's something that I've had to struggle with since. When I look at my daughter now, I want that strength that she has to be for her safe keeping. And when I hear her sing her song, it tells me to stop doubting myself because she is getting it.

Until next time.

Motherhood: Learning to surrender

Me and my "sun": A glittering moment of perfection....
Photo Credit- Wayne Gaskin of Genuis Photography

Well folks, it has been awhile since I have blogged about anything. My life has been a whirlwind (in a good way) and I've been riding the waves of transformation. When the energy is high and life is stirring, my writing is always the thing that suffers. I have been thinking about writing an entry for awhile now but, I couldn't focus in on a topic to blog about.

Then, a few minutes ago, I looked over at my son while he is napping and the word "surrender" came to my mind. He is so peaceful with his arms raised over his head and that moment became an opportunity for me to just come on here and write about whatever came through my fingertips. It's amazing that as mothers, we are here to teach our children but, they end up teaching us far more. The wonderful part about it is they are usually just being themselves and doing what they naturally do.

I have been thinking a lot about my views on destiny lately. As I reflect on my life these past few years, my perception of it is beginning to change. In the past I had thought that I had come face to face with destiny and then I began to doubt it. My life looked far different than I ever envisioned and I was scared that I had completely altered the course of my entire life forever. Destiny felt like a thing of the past.

I had an "aha" moment a few days ago and realized that destiny isn't always wrapped in a perfect box and it doesn't always come to us with bells and whistles. Just as destiny is in the pleasurable times; it resides in the moments of uncertainty and despair. It is the decisions you make with what you are given or what you have chosen that makes the difference in how your life unfolds.

 Now that I am at a turning point in my life (there have been many), I can look back on all the hardships and see exactly what I gained as a human being and as a mother. I am the culmination of all that I have experienced and I almost feel like I wouldn't be where I am; with the amount of awareness and appreciation for life, if I hadn't gone down this road. And through it all, I always felt in my heart that this was preparing me for something far greater. I just didn't trust in my own intuition.

My road has been unpaved, desolate, and there were times where all I could see were dead ends. There were so many times where I felt like giving up completely; and in many ways, I did. But, there were also glittering moments of perfection that kept me feeling like I was still being guided through the seemingly impossible. And as I look back on how I got to this place, it all seems far more than just serendipity. While I believe that my destiny has been revealing itself all along, I also understand now that love, consciousness, and discipline are at the heart of actualizing anything. I have the proper tools to rebuild my life with righteousness and I am a testament to the power of possibility.

As I cross over into a new phase of my life, I am more humble and grateful than ever! In the midst of it all, I have the most amazing life with my children; even with the challenges, it sometimes feels otherwordly.The message of surrender is to let go and embrace what is. It's the gift of acceptance. It is trusting in your own process and being authentic in your own life. It is the power in just being who you are and living with faith and trust.

I surrender to the greatness of who I am as a mother, visionary, and human being. I am eagerly anticipating all that is to come in life and am excited for the opportunity to share more of the journey.

Mommy's Minute: How to get an energy boost



Avocados- Yummy and Energizing

 With two small babies, it can be difficult to mantain my energy level. With breastfeeding my son and dealing with the daily tasks of motherhood, I have often felt depleted. My only saving grace was trying to catch a nap while they slept but, that is golden time that can be used more productively. I have also been sleep-deprived at night because, my son still gets up through the night to eat.


It is hard to be "present," when you are running on empty everyday. It became a necessity for me to implement some energy boosting strategies and I have to say that I feel so much better these days. No matter what you are juggling in your daily life, it is imperative to nurture and nourish your body. I know that is something I have to constantly remind myself, especially since I am breastfeeding my son. I just wanted to share some simple things that I have implemented that have proven very effective so far. I must say that in order to rebuild your energy, you have to do some sort of consistent regimen.


Sun Salutation- It is as simple as getting out of your bed and going for your morning stretch. This is a very well-known posture in the yogic tradition and is a great way to reawaken your body. By doing yoga postures you are energizing your nervous system and helping to boost your blood circulation (amongst many other benefits). Take a few minutes when you wake up to do a few or spread them throughout your day.

1. Begin by standing tall, shoulders down and relaxed, and bring your hands into prayer position in  front of your chest. Take a deep breath in and slowly extend your arms overhead, maintaining the prayer position. Once you your arms are fully extended, slowly lean back to create a slight back bend (if you are trying this for the first time, don't bend back too far; the rush of energy can send you flying to the floor, once you bend forward). As you exhale, gently begin to come back to a standing position and slowly bend forward; bringing your arms down towards your toes. Do not force it, just allow your body to settle where ever it feels comfortable. Slowly begin to roll up to a standing position, your head should be the last to rise. Bring your hands back into prayer position, then release your hands back to your sides. Close your eyes, release all tension from your body, and feel the flow of energy circulating through your body.

Juicing- An energy booster and stress reliever all wrapped into one. I absolutely love juicing! Many people like the finished product but, they don't like all the prep work and cleaning involved. I love to do it; it's my way of getting into "my zone" when I need to release some unwanted stress. If you need a pick-me-up; fresh carrot, apple, and ginger juice will give a great boost. I never thought I would see the day where I would drink carrot juice but, this is my ultimate favorite blend, thus far. Carrots and apples are jam packed with wonderful vitamins and ginger is great for your blood circulation. I usually just feel my way around juicing but, here is a recipe, for about a pint of juice:

8 medium carrots

3 Apples

Inch of Ginger

Wash your produce thoroughly, juice, and enjoy! Make sure to store the remaining juice immediately and drink it while it's still as fresh as possible.

Vitamin C- As the spring season came trickling in, I was having difficulties with the pollen everywhere. I have been drinking green tea and taking 1,000mg of Vitamin C everyday and that has been a tremendous help. What I found is that green tea is natural anti-histamine and the Vitamin C helps to boost your immune system. When you are dealing with allergies, the body basically feels like it is being attacked and your immune system works on overdrive. The Vitamin C helps to balance your immune system for optimal functioning. Since I have been taking it, I have felt more energized. Folks usually scramble to get on the Vitamin C when they feel a sickness coming on. It is better to use it as a  daily supplement to build your immune system and prevent illness. Of course the ideal is to eat super foods that are rich in vitamin C but, if you know you aren't eating well enough to support your body, take some Vitamin C! Getting energized is a bonus.

Apple Cider Vinegar- If there is one item that every household should have well stocked, it is apple cider vinegar. It is one of the most valuable home remedies, with a plethora of uses. It helps with allergies, acne, body cleansing, dandruff, sinus infections, etc. And it has been said that it helps with more major health issues such as arthritis, gout, diabetes, high blood pressure; there is even an apple cider vinegar diet because, it helps to break down fats. I have even used it as a coolant when my daughter had a fever. People with chronic fatigue have been known to use an apple cider vinegar tea and it has been proven effective. Now this isn't one that I have used consistently, but I have friends who have said that they have certainly felt an energy boost by drinking it as a tea.

          

All you have to do is boil the water, place a tablespoon of ACV and a tablespoon of honey into your favorite tea cup (it may taste better, if the cup is pretty). Pour the hot water over the mixture and stir. Drink daily and your body may just get the revitalization it needs.

Avocado- I have been experimenting with eating super foods that in my past, I wouldn't dare to eat. So far I have tackled many; my two most recent successes are tomatoes and mushrooms. I went from despising them to absolutely loving them and wanting them in everything I cook. Avocados is another one; it is a super food and great for energy. They naturally act as a "nutrient booster" by helping the body to absorb more fat soluble nutrients. They are also rich in the good fats, fiber, potassium, folic acid, Vitamin E, and many other essential nutrients. I can't just cut an avocado and toss it in with my salad; maybe that will happen over time. For now, I get my avocado fix by making it into a deliciously creamy shake.

          

Open the avocado, remove the seed, and scoop out into the blender. I like to use almond milk but, you can use your milk of choice. You may need at least two cups. Pour the first half of the milk into the blender and blend until somewhat smooth. Add the second half and your favorite sweetner (I use honey) and blend until completely smooth. I like to add apple juice to thin it out some (it can be very thick, depending on the size of the avocado). I like to blend mine with a little ice too but, that optional.

Water- A simple way to get an energy boost is to drink a cup of water in the morning, before you eat anything. I found this when I was doing some research on detoxing the body. When you are getting ready to eat breakfast, you are essentially "breaking a fast." Your body also needs to be hydrated so, drinking a cup of water helps to wake the body up after a long night of sleep. I have been doing this consistently and I definitely feel a difference. And I have amped up the amount of water I drink throughout the day.

Nature- Perhaps my favorite thing to do when I am feeling drained, or at anytime for that matter, is to go out into nature. We are surrounded by a living energy and it's nice to just be in the midst of it with awareness and intention. My babies have a book called "Out of the Ocean," by Debra Frasier, and it says in there that the bigger the thing is, sometimes the easier it is to forget it's there. When we are going about our busy days, it can be easy to forget the energy of the sun, the vivrant colors of the leaves on trees, or the fragrant smell of distant flowers. There is life all around us; just as the book says, we just have to remember to look.

Feel free to share your tips for a quick energy boost!

Mommy Adventures: Yoga, chanting, and potty training

Discipline...my life's work, happiness, and spiritual fulfillment, rests in that very word. Actualizing my discipline is perhaps my greatest challenge. I realized, from the words of a wise friend, that mastering something is about the discipline of continuing the process, no matter what. I also recognize that discipline takes letting go of wanting instant gratification; it is about a journey and getting better with time.

Many of the tasks in my life now, as a woman with a vision and as a mother, are centered around my discipline. My success depends on how much energy I put into my tasks, on a daily basis. The challenge comes when I face perpetual difficulty or no real sense of forward movement. Case in point, potty training my daughter is an act of discipline that has proven to be quite a challenge. The question becomes, how do you potty train a child that wakes up chanting, "no more potty" repeatedly?!

I have tried everything I can think of and suggestions of others but,  I understand that to stop now, would be feeding my own "shadow behavior." This is a term coined by my spiritual teacher that speaks to the unhealthy habits that will continue to overshadow our growth, if we continue to "give in" to them. My unhealthy habit is giving up sometimes, when things get tough or seem impossible.

Yoga and meditation have been an integral part of my life and my spiritual journey for several years. It grounds me, breathes life into everything I do; meditation brings me beautiful clarity and focus for my life. The challenge for me has been doing my daily practice, no matter what else is happening in my life. When I become overwhelmed, I usually let go of my daily practice.

How do I make sure to keep up with my discipline now? I utilize every moment I can to plug into it. So lately, while I have been sitting with my daughter, while she is on the potty; we chant together and I do my postures. Sometimes I sing songs, read to her, and focus on trying to get her to potty. But, we have been going at this for many months now and knowing my daughter, she just needs to be left to her own "doing." She is such an old soul and makes it very clear that she does certain things in her time. Now, while I am disciplining myself to consistently get her on the potty everyday, we take that time to be in our own process. I know that if I continue to place her on that potty, with deliberate action and discipline, she will succeed and so will I.

The message for me is to continue doing what I need to do, no matter the immediate outcome. It would be easy for me to throw my hands up and take a break from the daily rigor of potty training. But, in order for to make a breakthrough in letting go of this lifelong habit, I have to use every possible opportunity to further my own development. Juggling motherhood and my personal development has to be interconnected because there is just not enough time in the day to carve out enough moments for self-work. So, until my babies are old enough to be a little more independent, I will be blending my yoga with potty training and every other motherly duty!

Work in Progress: Raising health-conscious children (part 2)

I consider maintaining a healthy lifestyle an investment, on many levels. I've kind of swallowed the fact that eating healthy can cost bigger bucks, especially when you have children to feed. As I become more resourceful, I've learned that in some ways, it can also be a notion that is used to intimidate people into continuing to support unhealthier food venues and products. As the demand for healthier and natural products rise, the prices are slowly beginning to balance out with certain food items. Still, as I read more about the pesticides, chemical processing of produce, and the increasing use of genetically modified seeds, I have been more inclined to buy organic for the family. It is hard to even trust that everything that is labeled organic is authentically so, however, part of living well for me, is about intention.

If I had it, I would try to buy everything organic but, that is not possible at this point. The long term goal is to grow my own food, which would "weed out" the trust issues and it would be lighter on the pockets. In the meantime, I do what I can to decrease the amount of harmful chemicals that I eat and introduce to my children.

 A lot of people would shrug their shoulders at the issue of chemically grown and processed foods but, it sincerely matters. Our bodies are not equipped to handle the amount of chemicals that are ingested through our foods, body products, the air, household cleansers, etc. According to Lisa Marshall, a writer for the magazine Delicious Living, there are about “85,000 industrial chemicals now in use." This wreaks havoc on our lungs, kidneys, colon, lymph system, pancreas; our bodies in general cannot maintain the level of optimal functioning when they are working overtime to filter out harmful toxins. That, to me, is where the breakdown begins and we become more susceptible to illness and disease. It is easy to get overwhelmed and just throw the towel in but, there are great options for giving your body a boost and helping to decrease the ingestion of harmful chemicals.

I wanted to share this golden information that I use as a guide to select my priorities for what to purchase organic. There is a "Dirty Dozen List" that was created by the Environmental Working Group, to inform the public about which foods contain the most chemicals and are therefore, more toxic to consume regularly (based on studies conducted by the USDA and FDA). While most of the produce contains some sort of chemical component, they help to shed light on the ones that you may want to consider buying organic. The great thing about it is, if you can't afford to buy organic, the list also gives you suggestions on produce that may be safer.

The list changes as they continue to update their studies but, the general conclusion that I have come to is that produce with thinner skin or no protective layer (like green leafy vegetables) are at a greater risk for absorption of toxic chemicals. I also think that the ones that are in higher demand are more at risk. It is good to scrub the outer layer of your produce anyway but, for some, such as apples or peaches, it doesn't completely wash away the chemical residue. Bananas, eggplant, watermelon, and avocados are all examples of produce that are safer to eat because of their thicker protective layer. I purchase organic spinach, apples, celery, parsley, and carrots. Those are the foods I consume most often and I also use them when juicing.

Buying organic from a major grocery store is usually more expensive but, there is also the option of buying locally grown foods from fresh produce markets. You can inquire about how the food is grown and many small farmers like to maintain the integrity of their produce. Buying local is also great because much of our produce is imported and can travel 1500+ miles. This alone causes the nutritional value to decline before it even hits the produce stand. And the shipment boxes are sometimes laced with chemicals to preserve the freshness.

 Participating in community gardens and growing your own food are also great options, for many reasons. As I am researching more about gardening, there are many fruits and vegetables that are easy to grow and manage. And if you don’t have a back yard, there is produce that you can grow in pots!

For more information on the “Dirty Dozen List”, see the links below. I realize in my personal journey that change often times comes from access to valuable information. I hope that by sharing this list, it will provide another step towards creating a healthier and brighter future for our children. So, check it out and pass it on!

Happy Eating!

The New Dirty Dozen

The Dirty Dozen-12 Foods to Eat Organic