A few days ago, I decided to take my babies to the water. We went together for the first time in October of last year, and it was quite an overwhelming experience. I thought that my daughter would be very excited to go to the beach and I had this fantasy in my head that she would just frolic by the shore, play in the sand, and be totally at peace with the water. That was the furthest thing from reality. Once our feet touched the sand, she was extremely frightened; she was screaming, crying, and throwing her body around in resistance. I tried to take her closer, let her toes touch the water, show her that it was completely safe but, she just got even more upset. I had never seen her like that. So, my mother took her back to the benches, calmed her down, and my son and I took in the beach experience.
I was completely stunned by her reaction. This Piscean baby was freaked out by water. And then I remembered that she had a similar experience when I took her to a little "water park" for children. She wasn't as frightened as the beach incident but, it took awhile for her to even want to go in the water and I had to hold her the entire time. I was beginning to wonder if she was going to have an ongoing fear of water.
I realized by talking to other people that it can be very overwhelming for some babies to experience the ocean for the first time. And when I reflected on that, it made perfect sense. To go from the comforts of water in a bathtub to a seemingly endless sea, with crashing waves, and coarse sand between your toes, I could understand her fears. I also realized that she was just lacking in exposure. In Georgia, we were deprived of any bodies of water so, I didn't introduce her to the water when she was smaller. And we didn't venture to the swimming pool either.
One we got to Florida, I made a committment to get her acclimated to the water. I have loved the water since I was a baby but, there are a lot of things that I haven't experienced because of fears that stem from my childhood. I could see some of that in my daughter already and while I didn't want to push her, I also didn't want her to get boxed into fears that could be dealt with, slowly and with care. A large part of that with her, was just opening her up to aspects of the world that she hadn't seen.
Our second trip to the beach began with a drive along the shoreline. I rolled down the windows so she could look out and she was very excited. She was pointing and trying to show her baby brother who was asleep by her side. Then, I parked the car and we walked to the rocky landing and looked out onto the water. I just let her take it all in. She was nervous but, we were close enough to see with enough distance so that she felt safe. As we walked back to the car, she kept saying "want beach," so I told her that we would go and find a nice place to sit by the water.
We continued our drive until we reached the actual beach. I found an awesome spot away from all the people, where the water was quiet, shallow, and we could sit right by it. She was still frightened but, not as resistant as the first time. I took my cues from her. We acknowledged the water but, we just sat on the blanket and I read one of our books called "Out of the Ocean." I pointed to the water in the book and then showed her it was the same as the water there. I pointed to the shells, birds, palm trees, and then showed her those things all around us. She began to relax but, she still had no interest in going in the water.
The breakthrough really came when I brought the shovel and bucket out of the car. Up to that point, she remained on the blanket; her "safe space." With the bucket, she was able to venture out and get her hands dirty. In the meantime, her brother and I played in the water.
She finally came around completely, once she saw her brother. He was so free and happy in the sand and water, which made her see that there was no danger. She let me take her shoes off and she put her toes in the water. All the while, I was affirming her progress and inside I was so amazed just to see the evolution in her behavior as we spent more time out there. She went from completely resisting the water to independently going to the water, several times, and allowing her toes and hands to be immersed in it. She built her own little relationship, without me forcing it on her. I just did what I usually would do at the water, allowed her to witness it, and she decided to come when she was ready.
I wrote out the entire process because, it taught me a lot. It taught me as a mother but, it is also a metaphor for life. The first time we went I made assumptions and had expectations based on a fantasyI created. The second time, I did things according to what I know works with my daughter. The ongoing theme with her is that she does things in her own time. And as far as a life lesson, I realized (again) the importance of enjoying the journey, no matter the end result. It was so fulfilling for me and for us a family to experience building a connection to the water together. It was an enjoyable experience because my focus wasn't on making her like the water. We were just having a great time as a family and the bonus was that she became open to experiencing it.
I just love the idea that the lessons of motherhood can be applied to all aspects of life. And, I am no longer worried about her loving the water. I know that soon enough, the two of them will be splashing and swimming away. In the meantime, we will be creating beautiful family memories...
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